Friendship

Hello, everyone, after a long pause. Two weeks of spring break, including the week in Denver settling my aunt's estate (or, more accurately, beginning to settle it) and most of a week in Grand Rapids with Karen, and then a week at home getting back into the busyness of work plus the estate work. Yesterday I wrote thank you notes to all of my aunt's dear old friends who had come to the memorial service and sent cards (two more for overseas friends today and I'm finished with that last big project--now it is just as things come in, for me at least; Chuck is going to do her taxes, so that is pretty big too).

One of the realities that struck me most forcefully on the personal (as opposed to the legal or financial) level of Aunt Ruth's death is the value of friendship. Since she had been widowed for over sixty years and never had had children, I was fearful that her last days would be in lonely isolation. Two cousins live in the larger Denver area but one of those is ill herself. However, over the years, she had made many close and dear friends, some neighbors, some as members of the Society of Military Widows, some as colleagues with whom she taught, some as travel and Denver-sports companions. They rallied around her with visits, cards and phone calls. One night I had tried to call her but her line was busy for an hour and a half. Knowing how hard it was for her to breathe, I couldn't imagine that she would be on the phone for that length of time. When I asked her about it the next day, she said, "Oh, Barb, I have many people I could talk an hour and a half to."

Therefore, I made friendship the theme of my remarks at the small but special memorial service we held for her at her hospice, attempting to pay tribute to that room full of about 30 old friends as well as to her as a person who could count on such great people. I looked ath John 15 and Proverbs 27 in particular to talk about how friendship is not just warm fuzzy feelings but sacrificial service (with Jesus then as the greatest friend of all). "Better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away," says Prov. 27. I represented the family "far away," who loved her but were nonetheless far away, and acknowledged her friends' closeness and attentiveness. I called it a circle of blessing--they blessed each other with true friendship and by being people who could count on such friends, that needs to extend outward to a needy world poor in relationships. Then I asked each person to take three or four of the tulips we had bought for the service, so that they could have AR with them a little while longer. Here is a picture of them.

Just before we left, I got a phone call from one of these dear ladies who was mourning yet rejoicing over her tulips. She told me that AR had cross-stitched her a picture of three red tulips and a little saying about friendship, so that night she could see both of them at once (if she removed the one yellow tulip she had taken as well, but I told her to put it in a separate vase for her husband). Then, in her practical way, she said, "Is there going to be a sale of her belongings? I thought about buying her organ...but then I remembered, I can't play the organ." And so I encouraged her to think of AR when she sees the cross-stitch...as can all of us who have some of her lovely handwork in our homes.

We drove from Denver to G.R. and while we were there we went to K's Friendship class--a kind of Sunday School for the mentally handicapped. Her new church hosts about 30 such folk each Thursday night. I want to include a picture of Karen with her mentor from that night. Friendship on another--important--level, and one of the gifts of God.