To-Do List

One way to answer the question about how to live post-Global Project/Trek tour is to make a To-Do list. I have done just that, but I am fully aware that it is easy to check the items off one by one—it’s so satisfying—and to think thereby that I am doing what I am supposed to do, that I am becoming who I am supposed to be. There is a pharisaical danger in this activity, because outward acts are easily separated (especially by those of us who are religious and want to please God) from inward heart attitudes. Back to that danger in a minute. Here is a partial rendering of my list, in no special order, most of which I am in initial stages of working on:

• Write these blogs; explore whether any could be modified for COW distribution (because COW students have gone on both projects and treks, unrecognized the larger campus community)
• Keep on ingesting that yoghurt, which I formerly avoided, but which I learned in Cairo is good for what ails a person….so how will this solve world poverty??
• Communicate the obvious (to me) benefits of the L.A./Izmir relationships to my regional director to see whether we could implement something similar in another neighborhood
• Find out of 10,000 Villages sells APE textile products and, if not, whether they would be willing to explore a relationship with this micro-enterprise
• Find out if Sisters of Charity, Mokattam, would like to receive the used baby clothes Karen keeps buying
• Track down Woosters Trekkers these many years later and see if they will process my experience with them and theirs with me (I certainly failed to do that well with them immediately after their return)

However, none of these represent a changed heart, one that thinks of the poor and the unsaved before her own needs. How can I write, “Pray more,” “Live more simply,” or “Give and go”? I know my own shabby prayer life—what is in front of me (usually centered on my own needs or those in my immediate focus) quickly overtakes the needs of the Fulani (our church’s unreached people group) or of friends further away. Now Turkey and Egypt too? I have students in my office, two daughters in transition and a third whose emotional life always seems to teeter on the edge (though she did wonderfully this summer), dear friends battling cancer. How can I honestly make that commitment??

As for living more simply, while we spend a greater portion of our income on ministry activities than our friends could ever imagine, we live in a comfortable home, go out to eat a couple times a week, enjoy gardening and golf, both of which can only be considered luxuries. Right after I returned home, I paid for the expensive framing of some cross-stitch I had done for Ellen. What place has such beauty in an ugly world that needs those resources? How can I work on this one realistically? Materialism, consumerism is such a comfortable fit.

I’ve already explained why we can’t just take off and go to the Middle East, even though after our year in Liberia long ago, we still continued to hope that we could tithe Chuck’s career by teaching overseas—and he has always thought that the Middle East would be better suited for us (Yes!!). It looks less and less likely that Karen would ever be able to be separated from us for year-long stretches, and in the countries we think of there would be no place appropriate for her. Nonetheless, we must explore shorter-term options as we get closer to retirement.

So you see why this list is a feeble stab at life-change. “Dear Father. Keep me from the deception that checking off this list satisfies your desires for me to become more conformed to your Son. Forgive me for putting myself first. Incarnate me where I am. Keep breaking my heart for your neighborhoods, for your Maryams in Turkey and Egypt. Amen.”